- Hello? - Hello.
- Hercule Lajoy? - Who wants to know?
- Marie Jouvet. I'm a television reporter. - I know what you are.
Can I come aboard? I want to talk to you.
- You want answers? - Of course.
How can I give you answers? I am taking a nap.
I’ll wait until you wake up.
All right.
You're even better-looking than you are on television.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
I don't know why, but I have the distinct impression that I was expected.
Clouseau has disappeared. You're a reporter.
- Elementary. - Spoken like a true policeman.
A retired policeman.
- May I sit? - As you choose.
You worked with Clouseau.
Yes. He was unique.
Intuitive? A man who followed his hunches?
Who can tell what he followed? But he was the most successful man in the force.
Everything I thought made up a proper investigation, he did the opposite.
Facts, Hercule. Facts.
Nothing matters but the facts.
Without them, the science of criminal investigation
is nothing more than a guessing game.
Listen to me, Hercule, and you will learn something.
The facts in this case are:
the body of the chauffeur was found in the bedroom of the second maid. Fact!
Cause of death: four bullets in the chest. Fact!
The bullets were fired at close range from a.25 Beretta automatic. Fact!
Maria Gambrelli was discovered with the murder weapon in her hand. Fact!
The murder weapon was registered in the name of the deceased, Miguel Ostos,
and was kept in the glove compartment of the Ballon Rolls-Royce.
Fact!
Members of the household staff have testified that Miguel Ostos beat...
You fool, you've broken my pointing stick. I’ve got nothing to point with now.
Have testified that Miguel Ostos beat Maria Gambrelli frequently.
And finally comes this sworn statement of Monsieur and Madame Ballon,
as well as all the members of the staff, each of them with perfect alibis.
Now then, Hercule. What is the inescapable conclusion?
Maria Gambrelli killed the chauffeur.
What? You idiot! Impossible. She's protecting someone.
- How do you know that? - Instinct!
But the facts...
You are forgetting the most important fact - motive.
- He beat her. - He was Spanish.
- He tore her dress off. - Don't be ridiculous!
Would you kill somebody who tore your dress off?
- No, I suppose not. - Of course not.
No. There is no doubt in my mind whatsoever, Hercule.
Maria Gambrelli is most definitely protecting somebody.
Find that somebody and you have found the murderer.
And I shall find the murderer before the day is out.
Maria Gambrelli will tell me who he is.
Yet Clouseau was proved right. Maria Gambrelli was innocent.
Clouseau was always proved right at the end of the case.
But on the way even he made a few miscalculations.
(operatic singing)
Agh!
(Marie) And now he is lost in the sea.
I admired his successes, but his methods...
They made a mockery of everything I knew of police work, so I quit.
But I have a good life. I carry a few cargoes.
I charter to a group of tourists in August when it gets too hot to stay in Paris.
Don't you miss it sometimes, the excitement?
Young lady, if I missed the excitement don't you think I would bait my hook?
Thank you, Hercule Lajoy. I like you.
I don't think you're the hard case you make yourself out to be.
I like Hercule too, just because he is the hard case he seems to be.
But if you really want to get to the bottom of this Clouseau thing,
forget about us, the ones on his side of the law.
Dig up some of the crooks he caught, or didn't catch.
Goodbye.
- Call again when you're in the area! - Thank you. I may do that.
They only show the top half of you on television.
- I’m glad the bottom is just as good. - Me too.
- How's business? - Better.
Pickin' up.
Clouseau disappears. Business gets better.
Sure thing, yeah.
- This Marie Jouvet is snoopin' around. - So what?
Who knows? But I think it's better we put a tail on her.
Luis, she's no dummy. You pick a couple of good boys?
Done.
(man) When I first met Inspector Clouseau, about 20 years ago, in Cortina,
I had a nasty ski accident
and unfortunately Clouseau happened to be staying at the same hotel.
Ow!
- Ow! - Excuse me. My leg is caught.
- You were married to the inspector? - Yes.
Had you known Sir Charles before Cortina?
Only casually.
I am willing to bet you 10,000 francs
that the Phantom is in Cortina at this very moment. Even, perhaps, in this room.
How exciting. What do you think, Mr Tucker?
I agree. Ten of his last 15 victims have been guests at Angela Dunning's parties.
What are we all talking about?
- The notorious Phantom. - I’m afraid I’ve never heard of him.
He seems to be quite a fellow.
There are few thieves who are as clever as the Phantom.
Each theft is completely different and unique, classic in its conception.
I thought your theory is that he does repeat himself.
Only with regard to Angela Dunning's parties.
However, there is one other duplication,
but that is his... trademark, his calling card, so to speak.
- He leaves a white monogrammed glove. - Sounds terribly theatrical.
Your Highness, if I were the Phantom, I'd have chosen my victim already.
Really? And who would that be?
Who owns the most fabulous diamond in the world?
- I suppose I do. - Exactly. The Pink Panther.
Such a prize he could never resist.
He'd be disappointed. The Pink Panther is in my safe at...
Your Highness, please. Don't say it, not here.
Your Highness, I read there was a dispute over the ownership of the Pink Panther.
It belongs to me. It was a gift from my late father.
- I shall never surrender it. - Why should you?
When this government seized power, they claimed it belonged to the people.
There's talk of the international court deciding the issue.
Why don't I steal the diamond, leave that old glove behind,
- and you and I can split the insurance? - All right.
I feel like dancing. Your Highness?
I’d love to.
- How about you, madame? - Yes, of course.
- Your leg is better, Sir Charles? - What?
- I say your leg is better. - Yes. Much better. Thank you.
You know, Mr Tucker... Argh!
That's my beer.
In May 1964 you divorced Inspector Clouseau and a year later...
I married the man of my dreams.
- Who was that, darling? - You know.
That fellow Clouseau accused of being the notorious Phantom.
You have to forgive her. She's not very good on names.
- He's terribly attractive. - But she has impeccable taste.
- Why did Clouseau think it was you? - An anonymous phone call.
I see. Come up immediately.
Sir Charles. The Phantom.
I’ve really got him this time.
- But of course he was wrong. - About what?
- About you being the Phantom. - Of course. He was wrong.
- Wrong, but persistent. - Persistent he was.
(Sir Charles) He was convinced that I was planning to steal the Pink Panther.
And when Princess Diala gave a costume ball at a villa in Rome,
Clouseau was there with his men.
- Warm. - Yes, must be hell in there.
Bet it's not so good in there.
- Anything suspicious? - No, nothing to worry about.
My men are everywhere. Mingling here, mingling there, watching all the time.
How dare you drink on duty? Who is inside there?
- Sergeant Walter. - Sergeant Coff.
Stop that or I’ll have your stripes!
- The Pink Panther was stolen that night? - By a gorilla.
Come back! It’s me!
(Sir Charles) To my dying day,
I'll never forget that old man trying to cross the street.
(tyres squeal)
(horn)
- (Clouseau) Come on, faster! - (horn)
What's the matter with you? Can't you drive this thing faster?
(horn)
(Clouseau) This is the road they have gone up.
(horn)
Don't argue with me! I know where they've gone.
(horn)
- George, how do we get out of here? - I don't know. I’ve been all over this place.
- How do we get out? - You try the high road.
I’ll take the high road, you take the low road. So long.
Ciao, George.
(horn)
- That's them! - No, it isn't.
(tyres screech)
(crash)
(continuous horn)
For a while, it looked as though Clouseau himself was the Phantom.
He was actually arrested for having stolen the Pink Panther and sent to prison.
Tucker!
- But he was innocent. - Inept, but innocent.
- Inept? - Wouldn't you say so, darling?
Not in everything, darling. He was a terrific sleeper.
- It’s hard to believe. - It’s true.
He almost never made a serious mistake while he was sleeping.
I mean, inept! France's greatest detective!
It does test one's reality.
- Do you think he's dead? - I hope not.
- What do you think, Sir Charles? - No. Men like Clouseau never die.
They're indestructible. That's how it should be.
- Why? - We need them.
They help us preserve our sense of humour.
And they're living proof that, however bad things get,
if you persevere you survive and sometimes even win.
So you think determination was the key to his success?
No question about it.
He was a fool but he epitomised the I Ith commandment.
- The I Ith commandment? - "Thou shalt not give up."
- I like that. - I thought you might.
- Goodbye. - Goodbye.
- Come and see us again. - I may do that.
The man of your dreams is also a Machiavellian charmer.
I know that. Thank you.
- Goodbye. - Bye.
- You've just passed the hotel. - Yes, ma'am.
- But that's where I wanted to go. - You see that car following us?
What about it?
The two men in that car suggested I drop you off at another address.
- What are you talking about? - Actually, it was more like a threat.
- They threatened you? - One of them showed me his new gun.
Who are they?
I know you'll think I’m not on the ball, but I neglected to get their names.
- You realise this is kidnapping? - Yeah.
I have to be honest with you.
I couldn't come up with an alternative.
You can go to prison for life for kidnapping.
Lady, the gun he showed me was a.38 Magnum.
I don't know anything about guns.
That gun makes enormous holes in things.
I had a choice between kidnapping you and getting shot with that gun.
To be perfectly frank, I would look terrible and feel worse
with an enormous hole in me.
- Miss Jouvet, how nice of you to come. - Did I have a choice?
Actually, no. Let's go where we can be private.
- Do I have a choice? - I just wanna have a talk with you.
- Watch your step. - I always do.
- Why the drama? You could have phoned. - Would you have come?
To see the French godfather? Bruno, I’m a reporter.
And a terrific-lookin' one at that. Take a swim.
Come on. Let's make ourselves comfortable.
- Have a seat. - Can I have a drink?
- Do I have a choice? - Actually, no.
- How about some champagne? - Terrific. And put a fresh peach in it.
- Champagne and put a peach in it. - Peach?
Yes, sir.
- I never heard of a peach in champagne. - Very sexy.
- Make that two. - Yes, sir.
- What happens if he has no peaches? - Something very melodramatic.
If it gets to that, I’ll settle for plain champagne.
Marie, you really are some kinda sensational lady.
Bruno, there is an old saying.
- What's that? - Never bullshit a bullshitter.
(laughs)
I want you to lay off on this Clouseau thing.
- Take off your glasses. - What for?
Then I can see what you're thinking.
I doubt that.
- Why do you want me to lay off him? - Cos' I asked you to.
- It’s not a good enough reason. - It should be.
What if I don't?
You know, Marie, when I was your age,
I used to sometimes wonder what it would be like
if I suddenly found a whole lot of money.
- Have you ever imagined that? - Oh, yes.
I even imagined that some day someone might try to bribe me with a small fortune.
- What did you do? - I was tempted.
- That's a good start. - But I said no.
- Not very bright. - I’m a reporter.
For better or for worse, an honest one.
Tell me why you want me to lay off Clouseau.
Cos’ I prefer things the way they are.
Clouseau created a lot of problems.
A smart lady like you could find out he's still alive.
Or dead. I might even find out that someone killed him.
You've got a beautiful face. Why do you want to stick it in where it doesn't belong?
Because it's my job.
What good's your job if you've gotta do your TV show from a hospital bed?
I knew you were going to threaten me, but I didn't know how I would react.
- I’ve surprised myself. - Is that right?
Yes. Instead of scaring me, you have made me angry.
I can't remember when I’ve been so angry.
I am a member of the press and I will not be intimidated by you or by anybody else.
- Now who's being melodramatic? - Melodramatic? Wait till I get home!
- What are you gonna do? - Faint or throw up. Maybe both.
- Eight to five it's throw up. - You've got a bet.
Sir?
- Gutsy lady. - Yes, indeed, sir.
- Great ass. - I didn't notice, sir.
Arthur, there's an old saying.
- "Never bullshit a bullshitter." - Of course, sir.
Yes, great arse indeed.
(woman) Bruno!
Can I get out now?
Yeah.
I don't think she has such a great ass.
- What do you expect me to do? - Arrest him.
- On what charge? - He had me kidnapped.
- Can you prove it? - Ask the taxi driver!
You said the taxi driver kidnapped you.
Bruno's men forced him to. They had guns.
- Did you see the guns? - No, but the taxi driver told me...
I’m certain that everything you've told me is true.
But... I’m equally certain Monsieur Langlois will deny it.
Monsieur Langlois?
- It boils down to... - It boils down to his word against mine.
Exactly!
In certain circles, Monsieur Langlois' word carries a lot of weight.
You are upset so I will ignore the innuendo.
Upset or not, the innuendo stands.
Miss Jouvet, may I suggest that you go home and forget all about this.
Excuse me.
I shall tell you exactly where I am going - directly to my office,
to write my next broadcast about the Mafia boss who kidnapped me
and the chief inspector who refused to do anything about it.
In my opinion, that would be most unwise.
What it boils down to, Inspector, is, I don't trust your opinion.
Miss Jouvet seemed a bit upset.
Miss Jouvet is turning out to be a real pain in the a...
Aagh!
So far the incident hasn't even been investigated.
If Bruno Langlois is in the mood to deny the allegation,
I will be happy to repeat it on the witness stand.
- She's talking about you. - Yes.
Lot of guts.
I believe even the French godfather would think twice about challenging me in court.
As for Chief Inspector Dreyfus,
If he really is the paragon of police virtue that he purports to be,
why hasn't he found the taxi driver and interrogated him?
- She's talking about you. - Yes.
It’s intriguing, but the more I find out about Clouseau,
the more certain interested parties would prefer me to drop my investigation.
So far, I haven't turned up anything incriminating,
but obviously I’m rocking the boat and people are getting nervous.
One thing's sure. I intend to keep on rocking until I have an answer for you.
Good night.
(phone rings)
Clouseau's residence. Cato speaking.
I've gone to Miami Beach to spend Chinese New Year with my grandmother.
Leave a message after the bleep.
Allô?
Avon calling!
(screams)
(yelling)
You!
(groans)
Regrettably.
(phone rings)
Clouseau's residence. Cato speaking.
I've gone to Miami Beach to spend Chinese New Year with my grandmother.
Leave a message after the bleep.
- I’m sorry. - I’m used to it.
This is Professor Auguste Balls of Par is.
You Oriental picaroon!
You can't fool me about a plane crash. He is hiding to avoid payment.
Unless I receive 4,000 francs by Friday, I'm suing.
You can put that in your opium pipe and smoke it, you conniving Cantonese!
Who the hell is Professor Auguste Balls?
Inspector Clouseau's official disguise-maker.
- What's a picaroon? - A cheat.
- That's great. - Being called a cheat?
Some of my best friends are picaroons.
- I’m sorry I broke in. - That's OK. Keeps me in practice.
- Can I get you a cup of tea? - No, thanks.
- I could use an aspirin. - I telephoned before.
I really thought you'd gone to visit your grandmother in Miami.
Miami Beach. She runs a bingo parlour. She's a real picaroon.
I thought maybe I’d find something.
- Like what? - Like this.
Oh, that!
- Do you know who these people are? - His parents.
- Are they still alive? - His father is.
He lives in the Château Clouseau à Lamarque.
He's a winemaker.
Swine rabbit!
Mes chéries.
(giggling)
Beaujolais!
What are you doing?
Bon, bon, bon, bon.
- Au revoir, mes chéries. - Au revoir, Papa.
It doesn't taste the same since we lost Fifi.
I’m missing the great Fifi.
? Fifi!
Could you tell me something about your son?
No. After four o'clock,
I can't tell you anything about my son.
- Why not after four o'clock? - Because, after tasting the wine all day,
after four o'clock I can't remember my son -
let alone tell you anything about him.
It is a miracle that I remember it is after four o'clock.
(laughs)
That felt good!
- Are you all right? - Of course I am all right.
I was just checking that Nanna vacuumed the rug.
Speaking of Nanna...
(whistles)
Fetch Nanna.
Nanna has been with me 61 years.
She was Jacques' nurse.
- Really? - What?
- I said "Really?" - I know that.
Because you said Nanna was your son's nurse.
Mademoiselle, you don't have to repeat what I said.
I know what I said.
Fortunately I am not too old to have lost my memory yet.
K-nock wood.
Come in!
(laughs)
What am I laughing about?
I’m not sure I can explain it.
Nanna approaches.
(whistles
Allez!
Apportez-moi Nanna.
Continuez.
Bon, ça va bien.
À gauche!
Sit.
Allez, à droite.
À droite, dog.
En bas!
À gauche!
(whistles)
Merci, Nanna.
(whistles)
En bas.
- Sané. - Santé.
(whistles)
She loves that dog.
Assis.
Regardez.
Regardez, dog.
No, Nanna.
Fifi.
(Clouseau Senior) My son Jacques Clouseau was born September 8th 1920.
He had his mother's eyes and his father's kidneys.
From the very beginning,
Jacques wanted to be a policeman.
He had many setbacks,
but he was always resourceful.
He was 18 when he entered the university
and fell in love.
The girl of his dreams married another.
Jacques decided that life was not worth living.
To whom it may concern.
I find life no longer worth living.
Fortunately, there was a power failure.
Swine lights.
When the Germans invaded France,
Jacques joined the underground.
Swine plunger.
After the war, he joined the police force and the rest is history.
Thank you. It's been most interesting.
- It has? - Yes. It helps to round out my tribute.
What do you mean?
Your tribute doesn't need rounding.
You have a great-looking tribute.
- He's alive, you know. - How do you know that?
He has his mother's eyes, but his father's fortitude.
- I thought it was his kidneys. - That too.
A man with such fortitude and kidneys must be alive someplace.
- I hope so. - I knew that.
- Goodbye. - Au revoir.
And so, after leaving that delightful old man,
who is convinced that his famous son is still alive,
I began to wonder "Is it possible?"
Mafia boss Bruno Langlois seems to think it is.
Sir Charles Litton feels that such men are indispensable
and therefore indestructible.
And Chief Inspector Dreyfus is so obsessed with the possibility
that he's on the verge of another nervous breakdown.
Did Inspector Clouseau really perish in the sea, as reported?
Or, for reasons as yet unknown, is he out there someplace,
plotting his next move, waiting to reveal himself when the time is right?
I am reluctant to believe that misfortune has really struck down such a great man.
Swine seagull.
(Pink Panther theme)
We must find that woman.
Here's the report.
I will apprehend this culprit within 24 hours. Agh!
Ah!
Now we are getting somewhere.
You!
- But that's a priceless Steinway. - Not any more.
Agh!
(phone rings
Inspector Clouseau's residence.
- Clouseau. - One moment, please.
For you.
He's Sir Charles Phantom, the notorious Litton.
- The Phantom? - Yes. One and the same.
My greedy little yellow pimp.
Ow!
There is something that I am very interested to know. It’s rumoured...
Back to town.
Follow that car.
Does your dog bite?
No.
Nice doggy.
I thought you said your dog did not bite.
That is not my dog.
Do you know the way to the Palace Hotel?
Yes.
Special delivery. A beum. Were you expecting one?
A beum?!
You fool! You raving Oriental idiot!
There is a time and a place for everything, Cato.
And this is it.
And another thing.
I was known as the Pavlova of the parallels.
Oh, yes.
Yes, it's all coming back now.
? Ah, yes, I remember it...
Aagh!
Well, that felt good.
Subtitles ripped and worked by: frp